dark day in america

Yesterday I woke with a feeling of dread. There was an ominous feeling that something bad was about to happen. My Creole psyche generally pops on just before someone calls me with the horrible news of someone dying or of actual death occurred. I know what the caller is going to say the moment that I hear the phone ring. So all day yesterday, I waited for my phone to ring...and thank our Creator it never did. But something else happened...something worse than death. You ask me how could something be worse than death. Well, death is something we know...the end of our life cycle. We know what to expect from it. It's painful emotionally and sometimes physically, but we comprehend it.

Last month, one of my lifelong friends and I were having a conversation about something we knew was going on but just could not grasp it. Since this summer, a lot of crazy things have been happening to people...unexplainable behavior from people that just seemed off kilter. I saw it in my own family and among friends. The past few months have been filled with an abundance of WTF moments, the inability to communicate with people, a lot of head shaking, and cutting people off at the knees. I have been feeling this way since August and just cannot make sense of what in hell is wrong with people and what is actually going on. Straight out of a script from a sci-fi flick, I found myself thinking that there definitely is a feeling of a strange turbulence in the atmosphere. 

My friend asked, "Doesn't it feel like the earth has shifted?" 

Well, yes, I thought, "Like it is no longer on its axis?" That pretty much sums it up.

So I got through yesterday with this feeling of dread still clinging on despite me trying to shake it off. I knew that it would be worse than bad but I couldn't speak of it because I didn't want to put it out there into the universe. Then last night, despite my denial (first stage of grief) it happened. We all saw it. Sat there and watched it reach out and just slap us across the face and mock us. It took decades of people fighting and even dying to get us our Civil Rights...and now they will be obliterated by the musings of a dangerous, fascist, mad man. This country, as we know it, will cease to exist. And I have to blame somebody...so I am blaming all the idiots who did not bother to take the time to go out and vote. You could have at least made the effort. Until we can vote those white haired, colonist, misogynistic bastards out of their seats in The House and Senate, we will never see a woman or even a younger person in the Oval Office.

In the meantime, I am waiting for the earth to get back on it's axis...but it won't be soon.

Flying Without a Parachute

When I returned from my escapade, I discovered a post-it note on my countdown message board from my housemate. In true educator form, the note read, "What did you learn?" Still processing through my re-entry, I was jet lagged, exhausted, and my brain was on stimulus overload, so I really had not thought much about it until prompted at the moment. The first thing that came to mind was that I was more of a Bad Ass than I had ever imagined I could be. I had finally pushed past all of my fears, doubts, and extreme shyness to find a strength in me that I did not know that I possessed. I allowed myself to release of all the things that held me back daily from fully living, and stepped out into the world. 

This was my dream trip and I had put it off for decades because I had never thought that I could do this on my own. I watched others take off in flight and my travels remained wishes in my head,  My shoes were cement blocks of fear because I could never find a travel companion to journey with. When talk of some far away place would come up in conversation, friends would always say, "Oh, we should do this...go here..." but then we never did. Life is too short. Too damn short not to live your dreams. My years seem fleeting and I knew I should not wait any longer. Time to just do it. 

I kept quiet about my plans because whenever I mentioned it, the naysayers lectured me on how dangerous the world is. I started thinking that it couldn't possibly be any more dangerous than my own homeland. You want me to live in fear? I survived and recovered from one near fatal accident all alone...but what if I had not recovered? What it I had left this place without fulfilling my desire to put stamps in my passport? What was my life about if not to live my dreams? The previous chapters of my life were all lived for someone else...family, friends, mates. It is definitely time that I live my remaining chapters for finding me and knowing who I am. 

We owe it to ourselves to travel the unbeaten path, explore the world, connect with people, immerse ourselves into the diversity of other cultures, and expand our minds. 

Do it. Be Bad Ass. Live Fearless. Just Live.